Tightening our belts

BY: NICK IANNITTI  |  Fuel Buzz

Fuel has lost a part of its team.

This particular member weighed 175 pounds, and, for many of us, was very close to our hearts. Still, it was largely agreed that this member was useless - even detrimental, and frequently relying on the strength of others for even the most basic tasks. Really, the only task this team member excelled at was keeping our staff drought and famine resistant. While that may be great when times are tough, that’s currently not the case. In fact, we’re currently experiencing a period of unprecedented growth at Fuel–just not in our belt sizes.

We’d like to thank you, Body Fat, for everything you’ve done for us. We may have said some harsh things about you, but it wasn’t all bad. Everyone here admits that no one carried our fat-soluble vitamins (A, D, E, and K) like you did, and it’s unlikely anyone ever will. I personally remember the time you helped me maintain healthy nerve impulse transmissions, memory storage, and tissue structure. That was awesome–you totally came through for me there, and I’m never going to forget it.

But unfortunately, we were one person too heavy around here and I’m afraid we took it out on you. A company works on the efficiency of its employees, and, everything considered, you were dead weight.

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Yes, it’s been a few weeks since we started Fuel’s Biggest Loser, and I’m extremely pleased to annouce that we’ve lost a collective 175 pounds from the company roster. Everyone participating has been eating great and exercising, and the changes are beginning to show–some of our most competitive team members are already down almost 20 pounds.

Since the focus of this competition is on promoting a balanced and healthy lifestyle, we’re assuming it’s fat we’re losing, though I suppose we haven’t brought in a brain density scanner recently, so no one knows for sure.

The interesting thing is: some people are just getting started. We’ve got until May 1st before declaring the winner, and I’m guessing that there are a lot of major changes to people’s beltlines still to come.

One intersting note: there does appear to be a considerable increase in the amount of mysteriously placed plates of cookies and random boxes of croissants (with no apparent owner) in the lunch room. So far, Mike maintains that he “would never do anything like that.”